Pondering

So here I sit, pouring through resource after resource.  Trying to figure out what title they go under, do I list local organizations in that help certain cities or states only?  Do I include different organizations that sell things that raise funds for different organizations, do I include agh! just so much stuff.

The next post I was going to post was SurviveDat, a group I literally work one on one with, and sit on the board.  Honestly, I hadn't visited the website in a while.  The last time I had visited there weren't many resources listed and I just never went back to look.  I don't go looking at websites too often, unless it's Amazon.  I've got that on my phone.

I make it to the website and click on the resource tab.  They have been working like ants!  There are so many resources on there, and they are organized so well.  Honestly I have been doing more of the support group stuff then anything.  I just got a scholarship to attend their workshop in Birmingham and am so excited about that, but I guess I have been a little into myself for awhile.

I can't blame cancer for everything.  I mean, I don't think so.  I look back and wonder if I could do things differently.  I've tried so many different things, diets, pills, different programs, and really none of them worked.  Cancer would still grow.  I'd get a job, then get cancer again, lymphodema acts up, chemobrain comes out in full force, and I get asked to stop working.  Sometimes, I get so sick that I just stop working.  Just stop.  Decide I can't focus on anything, they would be better without me.

My battle has had so many ups and downs; as with anyone's battle.  Good news predates a mountain of bad news.  It's just been that way.  I'm not complaining, really, just being honest.  I battle major depressive disorder, along with anxiety, and sometimes get frozen and unable to do anything.  I miss being confident in myself.  I really miss that, I don't know when I lost it but I did and I haven't been able to find it since then.

This is all reasoning I am giving for not knowing what was on our website.  I mean it's amazing.  Good job, guys.  Ya'll are doing great.

So my dilemma is this; do I continue to list resources?  SurviveDat is doing a great job of it.  So are a lot of other websites.  Should I just post links to those websites?  What do I do with this, this great idea that already exists?  Then I think, there are more then just SurviveDat, I could just be a different website, an additional resource.  Ugh.  Confusion.

So this has made me down on myself and made me question my excitement and my point.  Should I just keep this as a blog dedicated to young women with breast cancer, and that's it?  Guest bloggers, different kinds of stuff like that?

My brain hurts.