13 ways to make every day matter!

13 ways to make every day matter! 

 Guide to Metastatic Cancer: Moving forward with hope.  HealthMonitor.com/MetaCancer

pages 23-25

1. Create your own healing space. Seen The Fault in our Stars?  Doesn't she have a wall of things she likes?  I will have to rewatch to see but I think she does.  But the example in the article talks about a lady who painted the walls of her study bright rose and the doors grape purple-colors that make her feel happy and energized: "Surround yourself with images and inspirational sayings that help you feel loved and remind you of joyful relationships and times"
2. Get a handle on your treatment.  The article discussed learning as much as you can about your diagnosis, your treatment, and just fill yourself with knowledge so you know how to understand what you are going through.  I talked about this in a previous blog.  It's a belief I am very passionate about.  Be a voice in your care.
3. Reward yourself after scans.  They call it "scanxiety".  It's the first and only time I've heard that term but I love it.  They mention, a nice lunch, a shopping trip, something to life your spirits.  I practice this ritual lol.  Well when I can and my mom allows (not being able to drive anymore sucks, more on that another time).  My mom and I do always do some form of lunch, whether it's at the hospital cafeteria (M.D.Anderson's don't play in their cafeteria, it rocks) or at the burger joint down the street or our favorite seafood restaurant around the corner.  After the long day of fasting you deserve a nice lunch, really it's kind of a necessity, normally you have had to skip breakfast!  We also sometimes try to go to the movies, which are at the mall, where we stay when we go to Texas, plus Barnes & Nobles!  My favorite place ever.  Manicures and massages could be fun but some treatments don't allow, and hair appointments may be quite silly if you are lacking hair.  Well what are some things that you do?  Message me and I will post them.
4. Practice Gratitude.  Write down at least one thing each day that make you smile, laugh, or feel uplifted.  Open your eyes to the good things that happen in your life during tough times.  It can help you find happiness in your storm.  I, myself haven't practiced this one but it sounds like a good one, I should start.
5. Don't forget to laugh!  You will read this everywhere.  It certainly has gotten me through some emotional breakdowns.  Comedies, comedies comedies.  For awhile, no matter how I felt I put on a comedy, because I never knew how I would feel ten minutes, or thirty minutes into the movie.  If I was watching something absolutely ridiculous then it didn't matter, I would be laughing no matter what.  Have a good laugh with friends, your doctors, your medical team.  My doctors probably think I'm crazy, every time they give me bad news I laugh my ass off.  It works for me.  I found that if I let it get me down I would stay down, I get bad news a lot.  I discovered that if I just find the ridiculousness of my situation I get my laughs right there in the doctor's office.  I laugh at the irony.  The probability of this happening, and to a young woman to boot.  Heart failure again, laugh.  Kidney failure again, laugh.  Twelve more tumors, laugh.  I can't help it anymore.  I get crazy eyes from my doctors.  I think they think something is wrong with me lol.
6. Absolve yourself!  "There's the sense you did something wrong.  You didn't have (a screening), perhaps you ate the wrong food or didn't take care of yourself.  Cancer is not your fault!"  This, right here, is something that held me down for years.  I did have the feeling that I did something wrong.  Like, "why didn't I notice the lump sooner?" or "when I found that tiny lump, why did I think it was a blocked milk duct two years + after I stopped breastfeeding, and again later when I found it again, why did I ignore it and completely forget about the previous time I found it which I remember perfectly now?"  "Why did I stop going to the gym six months before?" "Why did I ever start smoking?" I could literally go on and on.  I came up with every reason under the sun to blame myself.  But being told, there was just something wrong in your immune system to begin with, and "we have no idea what causes breast cancer" both made me feel better.  What doesn't help matters for me is going to conferences that try to talk about breast cancer prevention.  They talk about diet mainly and I know for a fact that it doesn't matter how healthy your diet is, you are still susceptible.  Over these years I have met women on perfect diets, or organic diets, all who got breast cancer.  There really is no rhyme or reason, so stop blaming yourself.  
7.  Treat yourself on treatment days.  "It's always good to have something to look forward to"  The girl in the article talked about every day on her radiation treatments she bought herself a scratch-off lottery ticket.  She said it made the day a little better.  I've had so many treatment days over the past ten years that it's been near impossible to continue to treat myself on treatment days.  I guess some days the treat would be the nap, later.  More recently, my mother and I try to go eat on occasion.  We try to find coupons to places and go try them out.  Maybe I will try to incorporate more treats for myself on treatment days.  I deserve it, as do you.
8. Hang with others who "get" you.  Find a local support group or go online for support.  Or in my case, create a support group for young women with breast cancer as I did.  There wasn't any and I needed one.  I had to stop after a couple years because treatments got harder and I couldn't find someone to take the reigns but through a grant from the CDC, LSU and Mary Bird Perkins Cancer Center were able to make support group for young women with breast cancer.  I was invited to sit on the board, which I do, along with attending the meetings every month.  It's called SurviveDat and has extended to include a Mississippi chapter and an Alabama chapter.  Amazing is all I have to say.  My favorite time of the month is seeing all these beautiful women and hearing them share their stories and sharing mine.  They can get quite emotional at times and it's so great to talk to people who understand.  Online is no different.  Forums can help just as much.  I've tried both, and both have helped in different, but no less important ways.
9. Find your mantra.  When I read this it always reminds me of Ally McBeal.  Watch it.  So funny.  This can be a saying or expression that gets you through.  "Life is good, even when challenging or painful" is one listed in the article.  Another is "It matters less what I feel than what I do with what I feel".  Mine for the longest time was, "All things are possible through Christ." from, you know, The Bible.  But another that has stuck with me for a long while too is James Dean's "Dream as if you'll live forever.  Live as if you'll die today".  There are others I have had that have helped through it all but those are the two that stick out in my mind right now.  What are some of yours?
10. Spend time with family.  I'm not even going to talk about what they say in the article and I'm just going to tell you about my experience.  Before cancer I worked.  I worked, I worked, I worked.  Then at one point I decided to go to school.  So I started working, and going to school, and working.  My daughter was forever being shuffled from this person to that person (friends and family).  When I was still with my ex he stayed home with her after picking her up at daycare.  But when I got cancer, it all came crashing down on me.  The knowledge of what was really important in life.  That little girl I so often asked to go to her room and play while mommy had big girl fun with her friends (just wine, or margaritas and sex and the city) was the most important person in my life.  As much as I wanted her to leave me alone sometimes, she was the one person I should want around.  I was in a crumbling relationship that didn't hold up after the diagnosis and it was me and her against the world.  Not only that, I see my family more, the local ones at least.  More then just on holidays.  I even visited my sister in Chicago after diagnosis.  She had only been there ten years probably.  Maybe not that long, I don't remember.  Just remember who is important.  Who will always be there.
11. Keep perspective.  Remember that no matter what happens, there is always another drug you can try.  Don't fret.  I always ask myself, "what's the worst they can tell me?  I have cancer?  Well been there done that, got a billion t-shirts, so bring it on!  I got this!"  You do have this.  And you have everything that comes along with it.  You are strong.  You are brave.  You got this.
12. Update your hobbies.  What activities make you happy.  Do you like to play an instrument.  Do you want to learn to play an instrument?  Do you love listening to music, going to concerts?  Watching comedies (yes please!)?  Watching or going to sporting events?  Do you love baking, cooking, cooking classes?  Even reading (check!) or playing with a pet.  How about art?  Painting?  Drawing?  Singing?  I have a friend in my support group who does salsa.  She even teaches it at times.  That's her outlet.  There is so much out there, find your niche.
13. Soak up the love and caring.  The article suggests displaying the cards and gifts you get ( something I try to do) but one thing I never thought of that they suggested is to create a simple "guest book" for friends who visit you to sign,  What a thought!  So creative!  Just take regular moments to appreciate the love coming your way.

Hope you enjoy these as much as I did!  What are some of your hobbies you started after cancer?  Some rewards or ways you treat yourself.  And some online forums you enjoy?

xo,

Shannon